I just got transition lenses,
(bifocals for people
who don’t
want to look like
they’re wearing bifocals), and
I’m still learning
how to see.
Everything warps,
like in a funhouse mirror.
Walking down stairs is the worst.
I clutch the rail, watch my feet.
Nothing looks solid.
I feel like an avatar
of myself
in some VR
or video game.
Lately on Facebook,
women my age are playing
virtual dress-up. They feed
their likenesses into an AI
which spits them out
in fancy gowns
and tiaras,
bright-eyed,
dewy,
and thin.
I recognize
the women, but
they are not themselves.
Not even their younger selves.
It’s supposed to be fun, I guess,
seeing yourself transformed that way.
But I don’t think I’d want to be confronted
with a fresh-faced not-me. Not these days,
when it sometimes takes a moment
for me to recognize in a photo
my own real and aging face.
A moment before I blink
and say, holy shit,
is that
me?