- Ultra hi-def digital footage of a beautiful girl walking along a beach in Ibiza. Behind her is an army of muscular men, all pumping their fists in unison. The beautiful girl stares into the camera. She begins to speak: “It is Charlie’s Birthday and it is time to Celebrate. Are you ready to have Crazy Sexy Fun in the sun? How does that old Sea Shanty go again? Yo ho, yo ho, a Bag of Molly for me! Oh come on Boys, let’s get Headless!” Yellow captions are displayed at the bottom of the screen. A DJ plays Balearic trance, somewhere in the distance.
- Hi-def technicolor film of a beautiful (but mysterious) woman in a bikini walking across the desert. Three shirtless men follow closely from behind, careful not to make new footprints in the sand. The woman, now teary-eyed, looks just beyond the camera. She begins to speak: “Charlie, it is your birthday. Do you know how old you are today? You are the same age as DJ Giovanni, right before his untimely death. I would like you to keep that in mind. Let us float in the wave pool and have some fun. But not too much fun. I have to be up early tomorrow. Let us look at the ocean mural and remember how lucky we are. Let us eat dates and drink wine. Let us feel something once more. Something that is both almost enough and almost too much. Does that make any sense at all, Charlie?” White captions are displayed at the bottom of the screen, though slightly out of sync with the dialogue. A cymbal crashes from high above. The shirtless men cower in fear.
- Grainy CCTV feed of an emaciated woman in a green poncho, searching through a pile of cans. A little man with a beer belly does a drunken jig in front of her. She sighs and brushes him aside. The camera zooms-in tight on the woman. She raises her head in alarm, in sudden awareness of being watched. The woman begins to speak. “Charlie? Is that you? You told me to always be ready. Well, here I am. I’ve got the butter and the money for the butter.” She holds up a rusty tin of fish and chuckles. “Remember how we used to buy the baggies? Remember how they’d make us feel like forever? We were angels back then, Charlie. When we dipped our wetted pinkies in crystal—now that was heaven. DJ Giovanni died inside the gates of heaven. He had the right idea, huh? Not me. I let myself rot away, like a piece of moldy fruit. Here I am, year after year, still wishing you a happy birthday, even when you’ve been gone for so long now. You died in your sleep, a sudden pulmonary embolism. Sixty-three years young you would’ve been today, Charlie. You would’ve found it hilarious, how this all turned out. You would’ve loved my precious cans.” The woman grabs her tiny breasts in mock-seduction. The little man tugs on the woman’s frayed poncho, looking up at her longingly. She kneels down and hisses in his face. “Oh come on boy, let’s get headless!” He scurries away in fright, off-screen. Simplified Chinese characters stutter across the screen as a news ticker. A quivering voice, akin to a theremin, hums a forgotten diddy from behind the camera. The little man bites the woman’s ankle. She screams and slits his throat with a sharpened pull tab.
- A 3D-render of a yellow minion begins to speak: “Happy Birthday Charlie!” A thousand children jump up and down in the background. They wear party hats and have big smiles. Balloon letters spell out HAPPY BIRTHDAY in the upper quadrant of the screen. From everywhere, in all directions, the sound of birthday drowns out the noise.
