but if you must do so then please make sure to shred the pages after you’re done. If you must print this email then shred it, please, despite previous environmental concerns, burn the shreds in the Prayer Room. Lock the door, draw the curtains, and let the words become fire. Fire is raw and cleansing like alcohol. Embrace it like an undeserved promotion. Scoop the ashes into an unclaimed Tupperware box from the kitchen and carry it home. Be careful: there is Danger everywhere and your usual odour, BO and damp wool, will be contaminated by the email’s smoke and our enemies notice these things. At home, cook up a family recipe and replace any salt with ashes. A pie is ideal, it is heavy and filling, meaty. The innards of a timid beast, perhaps, or a rabbit, or deer. But not veal, don’t be disgusting. Gather up five friends or five lovers or five relatives. People who can dine at short notice are untrustworthy, but six at the table is three twice; is two triangles. Magic and dining are overlapping disciplines. When the call comes, excuse yourself and answer the security questions. State your name, national insurance number, date of birth. The operator will inform you that your services are no longer required because you cannot be trusted. Despite your kitchen’s heat, a cold will nip you as you hear your friends laughing, unaware, in the next room. It was a good idea to see them again. It was nice to be spontaneous for a change. You ache from the disgrace of overeating and before you return to them, you must decide what you are going to say. Do you have enough money to last you until you find another job? What will you tell your mother or your boyfriend? Within five working days you will receive your P45. It will be sent by email. If you choose to print it, that’s your decision.