When we were kids I shared a room with my brother Ray and when I’d get cold and whine my mom would make my bed up with an electric heating pad even though I was a chronic bed-wetter which then Ray would tease me that I was going to wet the bed and electrocute myself and burn down the house killing the whole family in the process.

I showed him though.

I wet the bed all the way until I was thirteen, but I never electrocuted myself.

It was only when I turned fourteen that I accidentally burned down the house when I fell asleep on another cold winter night after masturbating to a nudie mag and forgot to turn the space heaters off before I left for school but joke’s on Ray: because he’d already killed himself years before then.