AFTER AN INTENSE GAME OF FU*K MARRY KILL WE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT KEVIN FROM THE OFFICE WOULD BE AN AMAZING LOVER
how could anyone pass up on this lovable teddy bear
especially since he would probably make ya a bowl of his
famous chili in the morning
while ya wait for the uber to arrive—
a real gentlemanly act, you say
which is rare these days.
lately though i can’t stop thinking about what being in a thruple with kevin from the office would be like: probably not as good or as steamy as it seems in my head
since i have this irrational fear that you’ll end up loving him more than me
running away together during the middle of the night,
not even leaving a goodbye note on my pillow behind.
honestly i know this sounds stupid
and i know that
it’ll probably never happen
why would everything be easier if it actually did?
please don’t take this the wrong way.
i’m just thinking out loud,
that’s all. i promise.
I PAID FOR ONE OF THOSE FANCY BOB’S BURGERS STYLE COUPLE PORTRAITS THAT I SAW ON A FACEBOOK AD AND IT DIDN’T IMPROVE OUR LOVE LIFE AT ALL
you know the portrait i’m talking about
the one where they draw you like you’re straight outta the show
where no one would blink or think twice if you were actually a background character.
when i paid the outrageous $99.98+tax & expidited shipping fee for the stupid picture
i thought for sure
that this would rekindle the love that we once had
but when it arrived
it was met with an unenthusiastic
lol that’s stupid
i hate that show
and we still haven’t framed it.
the worst part is i got the matching mouse pad.