I’M SORRY FOR DISTURBING YOU. FOR THE KIDS TWIRLING YOU BY YOUR TAIL AND LEAVING YOU BELLY UP.

I AM SORRY FOR ONCE BEING A CHILD. 

I AM SORRY TOO FOR BEING A MAN. FOR THE NATURE OF MEN. THAT THE SHELLS OF MALE HORSESHOE CRABS HAVE EVOLVED WITH A SLIGHT CURVE TO EASIER MOUNT THEIR MATES, ONLY TO CRAWL AWAY WITHOUT A WORD AFTER OR A KISS GOODNIGHT. 

APOLOGIES FOR THE RED KNOTS. YOUR LOST CHILDREN. FOR NATURE AND ITS SICK, SICK SAVAGERY.

I TOO AM A PRODUCT OF NATURE. 

HEY—IS IT TRUE THAT YOUR SPECIES WAS AROUND BEFORE TREES? THAT SEEMS LIKE FAKE NEWS, DOESN'T IT? BEFORE TREES? WHAT WAS THAT LIKE? TO WATCH THOSE GIANT MYSTERIES GROW FROM NOTHING?

I’M SORRY FOR THE PLASTIC YOU HAVE TO SORT THROUGH. THAT THE TREES ACROSS THE WAY WERE ALL TORN DOWN. THAT HUMAN CONVENIENCE IS A PLIGHT TO YOUR VERY SURVIVAL. 

OUR OWN SURVIVAL TOO.

I SAY I’LL BE BETTER BUT I WON’T BE BETTER. HUMANS SAY THAT A LOT. THE FIRST PART AT LEAST. ABOUT BEING BETTER. I’M SORRY ABOUT THAT TOO. WE SAY THINGS WE DON’T MEAN ALL THE TIME—OR IF WE DO MEAN THEM, THERE’S A CLEAR DISCONNECT BETWEEN THE PASSION FOR WHICH WE SAY THINGS AND THE ENERGY WE ARE WILLING TO PUT TOWARD CHANGE.

I’M SORRY—I EXPECT YOU TO LISTEN AND PARDON MY SINS BUT I’M NOT SURE IF YOU CAN ACTUALLY LISTEN. I KNOW HOW MANY EYES YOU HAVE BUT I AM UNCLEAR ABOUT AUDITORY RECEPTORS. CAN YOU HEAR THE WHOOSH OF WIND? THE LAPPING CURRENT? THE BIRDS CALLING TO THE SHIPS IN THE DISTANCE?

WHAT A JOY IT WOULD BE TO KNOW, TO CONNECT, TO LEARN. TO COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER THE GIANT MYSTERIES OF THE WORLD. 

PLEASE—ROLL OVER IF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME.

WIGGLE YOUR TAIL.

BLINK ONE OR ALL OF YOUR TEN LITTLE EYES.