DID YOU KNOW HOT DOGS ARE SUPPOSED

TO SHAVE THIRTY-SIX MINUTES OFF YOUR LIFE?

 

ONE HOT DOG.

YOUR LIFE.

MINUS THIRTY-SIX MINUTES.

 

HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS?

 

SHIT, THREE WEEKS AGO I WAS IN A HOT DOG

EATING CONTEST.

WE HAD THREE MINUTES TO EAT AS MANY

HOT DOGS AS POSSIBLE.

AND I ATE SIX HOT DOGS.

 

THAT’S TWO HUNDRED SIXTEEN MINUTES.

THREE POINT SIX HOURS.

JUST TO SAY I’M THE HOT DOG CHAMP.

[SIDEBAR]: I’M THE MF’ING HOT DOG CHAMP.

 

CONVERSELY—

 

PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES ARE SUPPOSED

TO ADD THIRTY-THREE MINUTES TO YOUR LIFE.

 

I DON’T EVEN LIKE PB&JS THAT MUCH

BUT IF IT MEANS I CAN EAT MORE HOT DOGS

THEN I GUESS I’LL PICK UP A GALLON

OF PB AND A TUB OF J

AND AN EIGHTEEN-PACK OF HOT DOGS

 

AS THEY SAY,

YOLO.