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February 22, 2024

I Hate Paw Patrol

Zac Smith

paw patrol is a shitty cartoon for kids

it's about cops that are dogs

it's mostly boy dogs

they do cop shit

and the show looks like shit


i hate paw patrol

because fuck paw patrol

but it's everywhere


kids at preschool in paw patrol shirts

paw patrol pants


cop dog pants


stickers at the dentist

a free scooter on the street

with a cop dog on the fender


toys at the library


the librarian squats by the children

he pulls out the paw patrol toys

ten dogs with cop cars and fire trucks

he recites their names

he asks which cop dog goes with which cop car

it's like a quiz

a lesson

cop dog education

my kids are confused in that sheltered way

what are these cop dogs

why does this man know so much about them

should i know this much

should i learn

how do i learn



i hate the cop dogs

i hate what they represent

not just the cop shit but all the other shit

having kids teaches you how much of the world is shit

trash world

cop shit for kids

cop dog pants


i go to the library once a week

we play with the duplo blocks

mr. potato head

the trains

the books

i slide up to the paw patrol shit

the cop dog stash

i palm a cop dog

shove it in my pocket

hit up the trash can on the way out


it takes months but eventually they're all gone

whatever the fuck their names are, gone

i'm not looking that shit up

they're gone

that’s what matters

trash back to trash world


cop dog pants

fuck you