GIVEAWAY ALERT! Enter your email address below for a chance to win. We are proud to partner with Sugarloaf Senior Care to facilitate this sweepstakes. One (1) lucky resident will receive two (2) tickets aboard a week-long all-inclusive cruise, featuring excursions in Ocho Rios, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel (Average Retail Value: $3,759.99). This luxurious voyage is the perfect way to create lasting memories with a loved one. This contest is open to all residents aged seventy-five (75) years or older who have not seen their children for eighteen (18) months or more. The winning entrant will stroll Caribbean shores and revel in the sights of exuberant wildlife, vibrant coral reefs, and crystal-clear seawater, like the kind your son splashed in on your first vacation together, back when he was just your little boy. Don’t delay! Take advantage of this limited opportunity to possibly see him again. Enter to win by submitting answers to three basic questions: 1.) What is your maiden name? 2.) What is your son’s middle name? 3.) What year did your son graduate high school? He used to help you with this sort of thing, but fret not: no technical support is required to participate. Simply click the flickering red button labeled ENTER ME! that occupies half your screen. To confirm your entry, look below the line of text in the pop-up window that reads Grant “DREADKICKER2917.bat” permission to make changes to your device? and click “Yes.” Gain one (1) additional entry by ignoring the minimized cmd.exe window that has appeared in your taskbar. To ensure your submission is received, remove your hand from your mouse and allow our team to remotely take control of your machine. We will help you maximize your likelihood of winning. Is this him, smiling beside you in your wallpaper photo? It’s difficult to tell with your faces obstructed by the two hundred sixteen (216) shortcuts on your desktop. Do not press Ctrl + Alt + Delete or power down your computer—your entry will be lost. The randomly drawn winner will be notified via phone call and SMS, but there is no need to provide a contact number. We will locate the folder you’ve labeled “!MYSTUFF” and open the document inside, then dial the number next to the word MINE in 72pt font. Further down the page, we will also find his cell, listed between your bank password and your social security number. We will reach out to him on your behalf. He will cooperate. We will make sure. Once notified, the winning entrant must redeem her prize within the remainder of her lifetime; i.e., prize will be forfeited if not claimed before three (3) days have elapsed. Good luck!