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Because you can take it / because you are my son / because your talent is lazy steel in need of sharpening against the stone that is my Miagi-like instruction / because I need to vent but it wouldn’t be fair to yell at the other players like this / because you’re better than that / because you’re better than them / because I’m turning you into The Thickskinster, a pink-tighted superhero who will one day grow up to be impervious to insults and negativity / because I only want the best for you / because I want to provide you with ample amounts of ammunition for your middle age revenge canyons when deciding what nursing home I deserve / because I’m toughening you up / because this is a father’s job / because I love you.