Upon Learning They Will Stop Production of the Penny

What I can’t stop thinking about is how, when I was growing up,

we kept a large glass jar of them behind the couch— our way of saving

for a vacation. How my dad would search for those copper-plated faces

like little parking lot prayers.

Looking now feels worthless but I do.

 

Heads up, my father is still alive in another universe.

Tails up, try again.

 

 

All The Reasons Why I Am Buying a Cemetery Plot in My 30’s

 

I have always been good at burying things, so I thought I’d reverse the roles.

And even though I’m not sick, I could still get hit by a truck tomorrow

and what I mean is— aren’t we always dying, anyway?

Because you can still bury an urn or pod with a seed to become a tree,

but science might say fuck this and donate my body back,

and because shooting my ass into space like my friend Catherine said is not yet an option.

Because I wanted to give you an excuse to look like you’re not talking to just yourself.

You have greener thumbs than me and should have somewhere to plant flowers.

Because people have already walked all over me before, this will be nothing new,

and because if they don’t read my name printed in a book,

they will still see it carved into a headstone centuries later.

Because I wanted to give my family something to talk about over the holidays.

When they ask me this time if I’m dating anyone I’ll still say no but—

I did buy a companion plot on a 2 for 1 special, so I'm prepared in case he comes.

(And then I guess we’d both be ghosting each other but in a good way.)

I bought it because it was on sale and in my size, I didn’t even have to try it on.

And because I was told I could save 15% or more off my car insurance—

Because they caution not to put all your eggs in one basket, but

there’s only one egg and one basket in this scenario so I figured it was a safe bet.

Because somehow, it felt like less of a risky purchase than a gym membership,

and I wanted to show I don’t have a fear of commitment.

And since, like they always say, you should invest in yourself.

Because it was cheaper than buying a house and I like my avocado toast too much anyway.

Because I wanted to cross something off my to-do list. I wanted to have my cake

and eat it too. (I don’t know if that fits but we’re keeping it.)

Because as the kids say nowadays, I did it “for the plot”. And when they ask me:

You’re in your 30s and what do you have to show for it? I’ll vaguely gesture to the cemetery.

I got it because land is expensive these days so you gotta take what you can get.

(Everything costs an arm and a leg, you know.)

Because I’m wondering if the early bird really does get the worm.

And since, in the words of Drake, I’ve always been an underground king.

Because I was thinking of getting a park bench but I dunno where the park bench store is,

and usually in order to get one dedicated to you, you have to die anyway.

And honestly, I’m just wondering if the grass really is greener on the other side,

if you’re looking up at it—