i am drunk on tanqueray and tonic and this

relationship is on a highway to hangover that’s turning

astronomic my moon my almost ex is strutting cocky

adonis and this is my least favorite birthday i am

drunk on tanqueray and tonic but i am done with

the alcoholic portion of these festivities and this stupid

soirée has gone from throbbing headache to toxic i

need this like i need a high colonic and now there’s

strawberry sheet cake i am drunk on tanqueray and

fuck this blatant flirting’s turning chronic all the sexing

sexting cabernet with that chesty brunette’s quixotic

calls me sugar lips thinks that’s erotic enough

foreplay for a blowjob so cliché i am drunk on

this is so over so plastic i’m calling it