I wasn’t going to stop, I swear, I know it’s a trap and I didn’t want to fall, but Betty’s volunteering there now and I thought I’d pop in, say hey, maybe see if she wanted to go out for lunch or meet up after I finished shopping at Target which was the only reason I was up in that area anyway because we really need new sheets since you insist on cutting your toenails with those sharp plier looking things and really, if you would have used an emery board to sand the edges, or been secure enough in your manhood to get a pedicure–I mean really, you just have to sit in a recliner and we all know you’re a pro at that—there wouldn’t have been slits in the sheets and the need to replace them and I wouldn’t have driven to Target and passed by the new animal shelter where Betty volunteers and I wouldn’t have been dogged by the saddest pairs of longing I’ve ever seen and my resolve to be strong wouldn’t have weakened and I wouldn’t have fallen for him, but I did and he’s here now and well, you’ll just have to get used to owning a potbellied pig.