the only fact i remember from the freshman year human evolution course is that thing about the earliest evidence of civilization being a broken femur whose person didn’t die from the wound. the class was after lunch and i was drunk so i only caught the gist of the lecture but it left an impression. that was the year i missed thanksgiving because i was too hungover to get on a train and that was also the year i bought four sterling silver swiss army knives from tiffany’s with a credit card for no reason except mania. this is the year my dad left thanksgiving to fly across the country because his mother is dying and i cry when nobody else is in the room. this is the year i wanted to move back to new york city to recapture my youth until i visited and felt like a dinosaur and this is also the year i bought a keytar for no reason except mania. i don’t get hangovers anymore but i do lie in bed and worry about the thin veil between life and death. we get better. we get worse. last night i dreamed a giant moose with shimmering rainbow antlers walked out of the ocean. my husband sings working on my night moose when bob seger comes on the radio. i want to keep working on my night moose. i want to live long enough to mend.