I wish I had more friends
who are happy
with the way I view them
as friends. Like, for example “cool calculator guy”
from my bio lab, I really like talking shit
about other classes with you
before lecture as our overworked TA
stumbles in from a “meeting”
that (always) ran(s) late
but I don’t necessary want to join
your frat’s basketball team.
I never liked sports.
I’m the guy who says “sports ball”
In high school my English teacher said
that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor.
Of course I said “what’s that?”
a medium amount of people laughed.
Slot machines are addictive
because they are programed to win
just enough times to give me a feedback loop
of false success. At the grocery store I stopped smiling
back at strangers and memorized the aisles
for frozen strawberries and oyster crackers.
I usually only own one pair of shoes
at a time. For a while people say “nice shoes are they new”
because people like talking and it feels good to say
nice things. Then the shoes are invisible. Sometime later,
a friend texts me and asks if I want to go to the mall.
This morning my frogs and I went for a walk.
I had to carry one of my frogs because he is old
and doesn’t like walking too much
but likes being outside, and doesn't like being left
Another mother duck and her ducking were walking
their (larger) frog on the other side
of the road. Their frog charged at me
and my frogs, and I threw myself
onto the ground to protect my frogs like a
shell on a turtle. The mother duck said “don’t worry
she is a nice frog”. I say “I don’t know that,
you don’t know that
for sure in this situation
that your frog will be a nice frog.”
Her duckling said “sorry” and the mother duck
said “have a nice day” but I don’t think
she really meant it.
My neighbor’s frog recently got attacked
by another frog and had to go to the frog
hospital, which is sad because the frog hospital
is a scary place, but also sad because no one
has frog insurance, and it takes a long time
to save up a new emergency fund. But
emergencies can happen whenever
that's why they are called emergencies.
I just wish other ducks would be more
mindful of other peoples’ frogs.
is what I was telling her. Then
Clover thinks I’ll be a very nervous parent.