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I never stopped believing in god
I just said it for the shock value.
I do that, like when I shit in the yard
when I was eleven, too old to be
shitting in the yard, but I told
the neighbor kids We’re animals
and where do you think they do their shitting?
Anyway, my dad caught me and made
the point that we pick up our dog's shit
so I better go pick up mine. Humiliating.
And more humiliating that he called me out
for trying to impress the neighborhood kids.
Who would try to impress someone with poop?
He was right. Who does that?
The point is, I’ll do anything
to be remembered. I want to take things
a bit too far, to say the thing that makes
people say Wow, she really said that but
as of writing this, it’s only resulted in love one time
and mostly it seems to make people not want
to have sex with me, though I keep trying it out.
Like asking why’d your last girlfriend leave you? on a first
date. Can’t they tell I’m just being funny?
It feels like a kind of secret game between
god and me. I’m like watch this and at karaoke I sing
the worst rendition of Silver Springs you’ve ever heard
at my ex who is literally just sitting there, in a room
full of our mutual friends. The applause is loud
enough that I can pretend I don’t notice people feeling bad for me.
Not my fault they don’t get our sense of humor, winking
at god, who is, in the end, my target audience
no matter what kind of performance I’m putting on.