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Ghosts tell human stories. They like to gather from time to time and tell each other about humans they heard might be in the area. The presence of humans, to a ghost, signifies a large amount of noise in the universe. The inability to hear subtle sounds like a seed pushing its way through the earth, or what it really sounds like when two clouds rub against each other in the sky. If humans are around it’s going to be impossible for a ghost to concentrate on anything else.

When ghosts tell human stories they often tell stories about how a human became a human. These stories all have a strong resemblance to each other. If ghosts are ever by a hospital or an elevator or a taxi cab and they feel the air around them get warmer suddenly, they know that’s where a human became a human.

A common misconception is that ghosts look like the spirits of humans who have died. Ghosts look like every Halloween costume or child’s drawing of a ghost that you have ever seen.

A common misconception about humans is that they are tough. If humans were so tough they wouldn’t be so scared of the things that ghosts do, like knock the odd book off a shelf, or flicker the lights during a spooky storm, or cast a spectral projection down a hallway or bedroom ceiling from time to time. A ghost’s main purpose is to scare humans and humans make it easy for ghosts. A ghost’s job is to remind humans that they have to share this universe with ghosts and whatever other creatures are out there. They remind them that one day they will die, so they better finish all their human business while they can. Being scared occasionally keeps them human longer.

Since humans are so loud and so easy to scare, ghosts like to spend most of their time away from humans and even away from other ghosts. Ghosts are always amazed at how many humans there are. A ghost would never readily admit this, but they are envious at how often humans are touching each other. Holding anything for more than a few brief seconds is very impressive to a ghost.

There are always times when ghosts like to get together to talk about humans and the interesting things they have done like build really tall buildings or jump over the Snake River Canyon with a rocket-powered motorcycle. Nobody has accomplished as much in this universe as humans. Even though ghosts try to stay far away from humans most of the time they still understand that there is a part of the world that they will always share with humans. Not a day goes by that a ghost doesn’t swear that he just heard a human drive by in their car, or maybe there’s one on the other side of the wall, watching tv.

And they always believe them.