We’re in the corn maze at a pumpkin farm. It’s cold. The kids are running and I’m following, not exactly trotting but taking big steps. They’re laughing and saying shit to each other I can’t hear. The oldest looks back over her shoulder and licks snot off her upper lip. She smiles. And there’s something in her smile I don’t like. Something mischievous.

I look past them and see it – a fork in the maze. I count one two three directions, one two three kids. They push to full speed as they separate.

I give a token, “Hey! No!” and take off after the littlest one because she's easy to catch and I can manipulate her into helping me get the others.

I do just that.

Now it’s two on two. I toss her on my shoulders and say, “You’re my spotter,” and she’s laughing and bucking her legs and is pointing in no time flat.

“There!” she yells, and we’re off.

We're chasing the oldest. All she does is run and scream and hit dead ends and I snatch her up and toss her to the ground and tickle her until she cedes defeat and then I tickle her a little longer.

I say, “You’re not gonna double cross me? Huh? You gonna double cross me?” and she’s saying, “No! I promise,” then says if I don’t stop she’s going to pee her pants. She has peed her pants before.

I let her go and she tries to run off right away. She gets two steps and I grab her and put her on the ground again and tickle her and she’s saying, “I’m gonna pee! I’m gonna pee!” and she’s having a blast.

The middle kid is hard to find. She understands patience. I’ve got the youngest back on my shoulders and the oldest scouting ahead. She's making false promises like, “Dad said he'd buy you caaaaandy,” and I’m like, “No I wooooooon’t.”

There's no sign of her. We’re looking and we’re looking and I’m getting a little worried but not really. I ask the youngest up there on my shoulders, “Anything?” and she purses her lips and shakes her head and and she's got her hand cupped over her eyes even though it's overcast.

Then PLOP! an ear of corn lands in the path just ahead. Another sails into the corn stalks beside us.

She’s throwing corn! An attack!

I take the youngest off my shoulders and say, “Get her!” and we charge through the maze. The middle kid is running and laughing and she throws an ear of corn over her shoulder and it hits the youngest and BLAM! She’s down! The oldest looks back at her fallen sister and trips over her own feet and OOF! She’s down too!

But I’ve got the middle kid cornered. Little shit’s caught up in a dead end. She turns and squats and scowls and I see the fury in her eyes and I squat and scowl and show her I’ve got just as much fury as her and even a little bit more.

She has one ear of corn left. It’s brown and yellow and red and she cocks her arm and whips it at me.

BOOM! Right in the chest!

I fall in a heap at her feet.

She hops up and down over me and does a little hip thrusting dance and she’s so proud of herself and we all get up and brush ourselves off and get out of the maze and I spend almost a hundred bucks I don't have on pumpkins.