after Kamakshi Anand

I grew up in a nuclear family: 2 parents and 2 kids who wanted to blow themselves up lol / they say you learn everything you’ll ever need to know in kindergarten lol / I was only deemed sick when I forgot that scissors are for paper, not for skin lol / my mom thought I was being dramatic when I said I wanted to die lol / but she believed my brother because “boys aren’t supposed to cry that much” lol / I didn't think I'd live to see 18, much less 28 lol / the only acceptable dead name to use is Twitter lol / I can’t tell my aunt about how bad my horse is because he’s perfect and she’s dead lol / I want to write a joke about three raccoons in a trench coat trying to order some Taco Bell, but I can’t come up with a punchline, so they starve lol / I worry about my father’s attention span with each TikTok he sends me lol / maybe I just worry about my father lol / the world’s on fire but my 20-year-old tamagotchis are thriving lol / I wish I was thriving lol / if I don’t announce my first dog’s death on Facebook, did she ever really die? lol / is she still alive on some part of the internet? lol / like all of the words I’ve typed outside of a textbox? lol / if I click out of this document, can I tell her I love her? lol / I haven’t felt alive since the last birthday party I attended at Chuck E. Cheese’s lol / I haven’t felt alive since the summer of 2016 when everyone was outside playing Pokémon Go lol / when Pikachu was eating world peace from my hand lol / I haven’t felt alive since my aunt died lol / I think I'm just trying to say that I haven't felt alive in a while