Ask him why his wife left him

Call him the Blair Bitch Project

He’s immortal and that’s sort of a turnoff tbh

 

I wish I could read

I retract my attempt at putting you down

I’ve got a macaroon in one hand and a Java Monster in the other and I’m feeling awfully petty

 

Bless your heart

I do hoe shit in a God-honoring way

If you pray together afterward i’m like pretty sure it doesn’t even count

 

Yeah, she lived in her office with her two dogs.

My favorite memory of her is when she did her entire history project about how 9/11 was a hologram

Maybe we are friends after all

 

Become the salt of the earth to regain some self worth

That’s fucking foul

I want to sit in a tent and drink

I’m ignorant, but not cargo pants ignorant

You fucking miss me, I know it

 

Meet a rich Spanish man and introduce me to his rich Spanish friends

Tell him I’ll fight him

I’m pretty sure that was like a repressed memory you just dug up, so thanks for that i guess

It’s a burden I never asked for

putting on pants, i mean