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May 28, 2021

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Susan Yim

Did you know?

that if you bathe in milk, it makes your bones strong?

Or even better, if you sip the milk that your delicate and brittle body soaks in, your organs will grow strong, too? Don’t sip it with a spoon, though. The metal will erode and its particles will be stuck in your stomach, then slowly eat that away too.

 

Did you know?

 

that if the clouds that float with the current of the sky are fluffy, it’s about to rain?

To help the rain along, you can boil a pot of water. The steam that goes into the sky adds to the clouds. If you boil enough pots of water, like five or something, you can make it rain in less than half an hour.

Really, it works.                     
I’ve done it.

 

Did you know—

 

that if you want to see in the dark, you can?

All you have to do is juice two carrots and drink it while your eyes are closed, then BAM. You can see in the dark. I’d say it’s magic, but it’s more of the power of Vitamin A in carrots.

 

                                                                                                Did you know?

 

that if your poo-poo (the stinky kind) smells after poo-ing, you probably need to add flowers to your diet?

There’s a theory that the oils from flowers will attach to the poop particles and evaporate the smelliness. That’s why flowers are caged in gardens. The sellers don’t want you to know their secrets. They’ve kept all the flowers to themselves so their poo doesn’t stink in public. Instead, they try to convince us that flowers are for gifts. Don’t fall victim to their trap. Eat the flowers, but only the edible ones.

 

Did you know?

 

that on your birthday, it’s important to find a rabbit for luck?

I know this from experience. One year, I heard about this and refused to find a rabbit—because why would I? The next day, the lightbulb in my fridge went out. I’ve hunted a rabbit every year after, and nothing has happened since.

 

 

Did you know?

 

that bird poop is how the government transmits information?

No, really. Every time a bird poops, the poop sends a wifi signal to outer space, and then back to the earth to the government, who views the recording the bird made from the last time it pooped? That’s why you only find bird poop in public spaces or in gentrified areas. The government watches you through the birds.

 

Did you know?

that you can tell if someone is Asian from how they look?

I didn’t believe it at first, either. But based on my lifetime of experience identifying Asians (of which I’m not included, I swear), the Asian people wear beetle rings on their pinky finger. I’ve never worn one, so I can’t be Asian—Koreans aren’t Asian, right? Just those Chinese kinds? I know there are many.

 

Did you know?

that Koreans have a seventh sense?

It’s hard to notice unless you’re Korean or is like super familiar with the culture, but we do. We can see the air around someone’s body, and depending on the texture above their head, we can tell their mood. If there’s a grainy texture, they’ve been mentally stressed. If there are miniature triangles, then they are ready for change. Or my favorite, if there’s nothing, that means they’ll die soon. It’s called 헛소리. It translates to one who is familiar with auras, and I think that’s beautiful.