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September 9, 2020

If I, Too, Had

Shufei Ewe

If i had pet shrimp: and i peeled up the scaly innards of prawns, sat in front of their aquarium and watched them hop around the water as i devoured their cousins/uncles/daughters/blood-kin, do they have the cognitive ability to realise their owner is a cannibal?



If i had a different surname: would that have stopped a lifetime of explaining, enunciating, being laughed at, and a subsequent inability to make ewe-nique puns?



If i had 1/8th of Jeff Bezos’ fortune: would i, too, unspool my superior hoarding tendencies and stockpile it for the rainy days that will never affect me, dive into it like i was a cartoon duck, or donate it to all animal shelters in the world as a bid for dogs to outlive us all?



If i had less lineage: would i be less paranoid that the number 4 sounds like death, and would i then end this list with just four items?