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This one was nearly perfect. The ceremony was cozy and scented with vanilla cookie candles. Simon and Garfunkel drifted from the record player. A few mourners dozed off, but that’s life.

After the eulogy, a huge man barreled into the room. He stomped over to the music, delicately lifted the needle, picked up the record, and Hulk-smashed Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water into a hundred pieces.

“Nana hated that song,” he declared.

The room burst into laughs that ended in tears. They needed that.

And I need Spotify. Third time that Simon and Garfunkel record’s been broken.